I’m trying really hard to believe these words right now. I feel like I have so many dreams, so many hopes for the future and I’m just waiting to get better so my life can restart.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sitting around doing nothing. I’m doing my best and I do believe my best is good enough.
I just want to be able to do more.
Lately I’ve been feeling impatient. Like God made a waste of me by giving me this. On the days I’m feeling really blue, I think to myself, “God, why!? Why did you do this to me?? I could’ve been so great! I could’ve been successful. I could’ve had my master’s degree by now. I was such a hard worker, smart even! Why did you make me this way to just waste all that ambition on a cripple?”
I didn’t realize how angry I was. I know the real answer in my head. He probably gave me this because he knew that otherwise, I would’ve never slowed down long enough to appreciate the little things. Or maybe he wanted to get my attention and knew that my path would never come here if he didn’t give me a nice big obstacle.
Honestly, I can deal with the fact that God gave me Rheumatoid Arthritis. What I’m having trouble with is why can’t I have one successful treatment? Please, God!! I’ve had 5 failed treatments and I’m not sure I can deal with one more. I want to move on with my life! I want to get over this chapter of looking for a treatment that works on me. I want to be able to say, “XYZ works for me and look at all the things I can do in spite of Arthritis.”
I think sometimes you feel happy and you’re dealing with all these things and then it’s like a pin drops on top of you and you break down because it finally gets to be too much. You think to yourself, “I can handle this [enduring the constant pain], I can handle that [the nausea and other side effects].” But then you start loosing the ability to do something you love and it’s overwhelming.
Having this for 18 years has been a roller coaster. I always say, it’s like going through the 5 stages of grief over and over again, but I have to keep hoping.
Believing that everything will be alright.
Maybe not today but eventually.
Since today is Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease awareness day I think we should find out what RA actually is! Alongside me, there are 1.5 million Americans and 300,000 children who fight this life-long battle on a daily basis.
There are many misconceptions about Arthritis
so let’s educate the world and share this with everyone we can to support
Rheumatoid Arthritis Disease Awareness Day!
Find more resources on living with arthritis by visiting arthritistoday.org
Rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is an autoimmune disease in which your body’s immune system – which protects your health by attacking foreign substances like bacteria and viruses – mistakenly attacks your joints. The abnormal immune response causes inflammation that can damage joints and organs, such as the heart. Early diagnosis and prompt treatment
is the key to preventing joint destruction and organ damage.
About 1.5 million people in the United States have rheumatoid arthritis (RA). Nearly three times as many women have the disease as men. In women, RA most commonly begins between ages 30 and 60. In men, it often occurs later in life.
The severity of the disease can vary from person to person. Symptoms can change from day to day. Sudden increases in symptoms and illness are called flares. A flare can last for days or months. Key rheumatoid arthritis symptoms
are pain, fatigue and warm, swollen, reddish joints. Long periods of joint stiffness in the morning are common. Inflammation in the small joints of the wrist and hand is typical. If a joint on one side of the body is affected, the same one on the other side is usually affected, too.
There is no cure for RA, but there are a number of medications available to help ease symptoms
, reduce inflammation, and slow the progression of the disease. No one drug works for everyone but many people find treatments that are very effective. The goal of treatment is remission, a state when inflammation is gone or is very low. A doctor, likely a rheumatologist — a specialty doctor who treats people with arthritis — should monitor your levels of disease activity, or inflammation, on a regular basis through exams and blood tests that reveal how well treatment is working. The doctor may add or change your medications or adjust the dosage after a few months, if the disease is still active.
Self-management is an important part of rheumatoid arthritis care. Staying physically active is the key to keeping joints flexible. Too little movement can lead to joint stiffness. Strong muscles protect joints. Overall fitness improves health in many ways. Managing your weight, eating a nutritious diet and getting a good balance of rest and activity each day are important, too.