So I bought these shoes and dubbed them my “Remission Shoes.”
Since I got married I’ve been struggling with the thought of my future. What is going to happen to me? When will my body say, “Enough is enough. I can’t take this anymore?” How many years do I have left of being able to walk normally 3 out of 7 days a week? 10? 15?
I talked to my husband Andres and expressed to him these feelings. You know what he said? He said to me, “I will never give up. I will never back down. I will never accept you as sick and say ‘Well, this is the way things are.’ I don’t accept it now, or ever. I will keep trying till the day you are in remission.”
With that I say, forget this disease! Forget planning for the grim future and assume that we are going to be like this forever. There is no cure, but there is a possibility of a remission! There is a possibility that 2014 will be the year there’s a breakthrough. I choose to believe in that possibility. I choose to stay positive. I choose to hope.
This pain reminds me that I do have a purpose.
I think it has to do with bringing people hope.
If thoughts were letters and I had every sick, hurting, desperate, worried, hungry, sad, defeated person’s address it would say:
“You are going to get better. One day the pain will disappear and you’ll get rest. You won’t feel the hurt and frustration you feel now. You won’t be confused and desperate for answers to why this happened in the first place! The sun will rise and these dark clouds will go away—but that’s not without effort. You do your best, you do what you can and leave the rest up to God. If not for your health (because laughter truly is the best medicine), but for your sanity. You have to believe it will get better and it will, I promise! I’m not saying this because I’ve been there and I’m now on the other side. I’m telling you this because I haven’t yet and I’m still waiting. I will never stop hoping and believing that my miracle is going to pick me up and I’m going to fly away into all the dreams I’ve ever had. I will never, ever give up. You see? You’ll get there too. Even if it has to be in Heaven. One day the pain will disappear and you’ll get peace. Don’t worry, it will get better.”