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My Favorite Thing

For the finale of this First Annual #RABlog Week I’d love to share with you my 
Wildcard 2: Tell us what you really enjoy and how that helps with RA.
Well, that should be simple. Blogging, duh! 😉


I really can’t tell you how important blogging is to me. I love everything about it. 

So when I started this blog in 2011 on tumblr, I was very nervous. 
I really wanted my blog to be authentic. An honest reflection of my thoughts, whether they were likable or not. I wanted to never hold back and show what Rheumatoid Arthritis really looks like. Not like the bogus commercials on TV. 
But opening myself up was nerve-wracking! Especially to criticism, knowing that the whole entire world was reading my innermost thoughts!

So, cautiously, I wrote my first post.
       And then I figured out I only had like 10 readers, so I decided to let it flow! Ha Ha! 

For me, blogging isn’t about the amount readers or followers I have. As much as I love my readers and truly cherish the connections I’ve made through blogging.
I mostly do it for ME!
I was recently engaged when I started this blog and all I wanted to share my journey.
The magnificent ups and the treacherous downs in life with RA.

And not just my physical journey, but my emotional journey.
I don’t hide behind the curtain and share the pretty side to RA.
I share the bad times too of when I’m angrydisappointed, or in pain

But my absolute favorite part is sharing my victories. 
The good times, when I feel great! When I’m traveling, or gardening
But most importantly, when I accepted having Rheumatoid Arthritis. 
The truth is I believe having a Chronic Illness like Arthritis 
doesn’t just affect our bodies, it affects our souls as well. 
And I’d like others like me to know that it does get better. 🙂


#RAgingFatigue

The people who know me best know that I’m like a raging bull. 
Once I make a decision about something, there’s no going back. 
—-This is what my mom says. Hi, mom! 
So, when my Rheumatoid Arthritis came back with a vengeance at age 17, you can only imagine how that stubborn personality translated into a quest for a normal life despite RA. 😉

But this time, it wasn’t the same RA as my childhood. It was worse. Much worse.
This “newer-stronger” RA wasn’t something I could mentally overpower or even something that was responding treatment
No matter how hard I pushed myself, no matter how hard I tried, I just could not keep up with my classmates. I was studying Architecture and it was just impossible to wrap my fiercly swollen fingers around a pencil, let alone draw a floor plan for 7 hours.

And that wasn’t all. 

I had fatigue. Besides the swelling that makes closing my fist impossible, and the stiffness that won’t allow me to sit for more than an hour, and the excruciating pain, I. WAS. EXHAUSTED. 
It’s like having the flu, but worse. I once explained it to someone like this:

“It feels like gravity changed overnight and I feel so heavy and weak I can’t get up.”

And you wanna know what the crazy part is? Even after 19 years of having RA and 7 years of my “RA vengeance” (the more severe version of my RA), I still feel it. 
I still feel the fatigue. I still struggle to get out of bed, to put on make-up, to go to school (different major ;), to travel, etc. I still struggle to do everything.

BUT my stubborn personality won’t let me give up, and I just take 1-3 shots of espresso to get me through the day, and rest up a ton the next day. 
Because that makes me happy. 

Please excuse my yawns. 😉

21 Things Only People Living with Chronic Health Problems Know

To the fighters, toughies, troopers, hooligans featured alongside me: 
Thank you for being so tenacious, resilient, hardy, persistent, 
enduring, relentless, and stubborn.
Thank you for never giving up. 

Thank you for being so damn unshakable.

Buzzfeed | Lliving with Chronic Health Problems

Exposing my Truth

So, I guess it’s time to be honest about why I haven’t been writing as much. 
Don’t get me wrong, I am writing. Journaling on my own, like I always have. 
I’ve also been writing articles for different websites as well as essays for school. 

But that’s not why I haven’t been writing here, sharing with you all what’s going on with my life like I normally do. I pride myself in being transparent with my description of life with Arthritis. 
I don’t hide the nitty-grittyThe jaw-clenching physical pain, as well as the psychic pain I experience on a daily basis. 
It’s much easier to do this in writing than it is in person. Overwhelmed by my desire to not let my symptoms overshadow my conversations with loved ones. I smile though my mind is on my knees because I’m genuinely happy to see them. I choose to be in the moment. The result is often me stumbling later from exceeding my boundaries in the hope to “help” wash the dishes. Very few recognize this meager out pour of sacrificial love. It’s all I have to give.

…I think I’ve been delaying exposing the truth by going underground…

I’m struggling with getting my treatments. 
They are never on time and the costs are sky-rocketing. 
I don’t know if I can keep going this way.
My studies are suffering due to the obscene amount of calls I make daily to the insurance company, the pharmacy, the doctor, various foundations…
Unfortunately I’m not becoming an expert, I’m simply getting sidelined by the lack of valuable information available. 
Every truth is contradicted by another agent, another supervisor, another “expert”.

My pocketbook is empty, both by the amount of “minutes” I spend on these calls, as well as the costs of treatment.
It all came to a head yesterday when I received a payment notice of almost $500 for a medication I was previously told was $70. I was ordered to pay within 10 days, as if that were possible. The process of filing an appeal is 60 days.
This is just one on top of the other medical bills that have come through the mail. The amounts owed quickly climbing to $2,000.

If I could just get this, my most important treatment administered on time and at a reasonable price, I’d be relieved. This is the medication that has given me back my ability to walk. This is the medication that I’ve spent five years searching for. Five other treatments failed before trying this one.
 This is the only one that works.

School is in Session!

Hi Everyone!!
So, today marks one week since I restarted college. For those of you who know me really well, you know it’s been a long time coming. 
I have been dreaming of this day for a while now.
The “short” break Arthritis forced me into has taken…. drum roll please…. 3 years. 
       Can you believe it?
If I didn’t have Arthritis, I’d probably have my PhD by now! All my friends from dual enrollment graduated with Master’s two years ago.
      That was a hard pill to swallow… Even among the giant pills I already take for RA.
The first week hasn’t gone as easy as I thought.
I’ve forgotten the rhythm and I feel a bit lost. 
A bit different from my other classmates. 
I have this fear that even as far as I’ve come, I still won’t be able to keep up.
I feel as old and tattered as the used books I bought over Amazon.
The one thing I do know for sure is that I’m not giving up.
Oddly enough, school is just like Arthritis.
The going might get tough, but “the tough” get going……
And I know, I’m definitely ‘the tough.’

http://giphy.com/embed/TrrecytbGL4kg?html5=true
         #lifestoughgetahelmet

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