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Friends

The following post was written on my facebook page following my uncle Kevin’s shooting on June 11, 2018. Kevin Valencia, a police officer, was 27 years old when he was shot in the head after responding to a domestic violence call where 4 young children were held and murdered. He is my hero and I’d like to keep these on my blog as a tribute to him.

As of February 9th, 2019, Kevin is still in a coma. Please pray.

Last month, right after arriving in Miami following my uncle Kevin Valencia’s accident (and our midnight rush up to Orlando), I raided my mother’s stash of childhood pictures and separated all the ones with Kevin. There were hundreds of pictures, dating back from the time he was a newborn, but still, I felt like some were missing…

My mom admitted she had gifted a lot to Kevin after his wedding to Meghan and hadn’t made copies, so begrudgingly I swore that I’d return her originals after my husband, Andres made copies. Then, I’d keep the copies. 

Well, at this point (and over a month later), I’m still vaguely irritated with the fact that I don’t have ALL the photos, but satisfied with my hefty haul. So, last night, I went to my parents’ house and went about cleaning out another area I had long since promised—my old bedroom.
And in the messy closet, I find a small blue tub. The only tub in the entire closet actually, and one I had seen many times, but assumed contained nothing of value.

I open the tub and in it are 3 girly photo albums each marked with one word: “friends.”
As I flip open the first album, what do I come to find? One of my favorite photos of Kevin.
So I continue flipping, and more and more photos of Kevin emerge. At least a hundred through all three albums and photos of our friends, Meghan ValenciaJohn ReedKelsey Coggins and too many more to name. My best friends and his best friends all together in photo albums I assembled in my youth.

So when people ask how my uncle came to marry my best friend, Meghan. 
The answer is simple: They were both my best friends. And still are.❤️

Mental Health w/ RA

Maintaining my mental health (together with my physical health) is the main reason why I started this blog. I wanted someone to talk about how living with a chronic illness has affected their spiritual and emotional well-being. But in a society obsessed with the “overcomers,” how do we take care of our mental health without having to have it totally together all the time?

1. Don’t. 

As a young person living with RA, nothing annoys me more than seeing perfectly perfect people on the cover of health magazines. You know which ones I’m talking about, the ones with perfect in-shape bodies, perfect homes, and perfect spouses who provide for their every need while they get to focus solely on taking care of their health.

Now, I have nothing against those who seemingly have it all together, but you know what I really love?? The people with RA who don’t. Those folks who show their vulnerabilities and who express their pain, their disdain at having this disease, and their anger at their relatives for not understanding. My life doesn’t revolve around Arthritis, but it has left its little mark on virtually every area of my life. So I love and respect the people who show itand other realities about living with a chronic disease.

2. Entertain your emotions and they will go.

A mentor of mine once told me a story about living as a young girl in Africa. Often, many of her friends and relatives from the US would come visit her missionary parents while they were living in Tanzania. Well, apparently, she hatedbeing visited by company. So her mother would tell her, “All we have to do is entertain them for a little while, and then they will go.”

There is nothing healthier than entertaining your emotions and letting yoed940647fa425a2192de32a493b31492--ugly-faces-hilarious-memesurself feel what your body, mind, and soul desperately wants you to feel. There are many negative repercussions to holding negative emotions in–including increased pain, depression, sleeplessness, etc. The point is, as much as Kim Kardashian hates her crying face, at that moment when she was admitting she was unhappy in her marriage, crying and expressing herself was the healthiest thing she could have done.

One thing my mentor (a licensed clinical social worker) likes to say is this: “Don’t be afraid of crying. You won’t cry forever. Eventually, you’ll fall asleep then wake up feeling better.” Pretty sound advice, if you ask me.

3. Promise yourself to wake up with a new attitude tomorrow.

This is something I like to do. It helps me feel less guilty about having a “bad day,” and gives me something to look forward to. To me, it doesn’t matter how many tomorrows go by before I wake up with a new attitude. We all know is that it isn’t always as simple as “promising to wake up better”–sometimes the “tomorrow” is even worse than the day before! What matters to me is that I tried to have a better day and gave that new day a chance. 

Living in my teens with depression meant that I was always concerned about the past. Focusing on today and the hope for a better tomorrow gets me through life’s tough patches.

A poem I used to read went like this: RABlog2017

Today, is here and yesterday, is gone!
Now, it’s time, you have to move on!
There’s no looking back, what was
before, for it just isn’t there, anymore!
You have to look, to the future and it
will show you, the way. For it’s the
beginning, of a brand new day! Time,
is the best healer, as everybody knows.
And whatever happens, is the way the
wind blows! Don’t ever look back, to
what was before, for it’s gone and
forgotten and not here, anymore! For
whatever reason, it was meant to be.
You’ll come out unscathed and happy
to be free!

My Favorite Thing

For the finale of this First Annual #RABlog Week I’d love to share with you my 
Wildcard 2: Tell us what you really enjoy and how that helps with RA.
Well, that should be simple. Blogging, duh! 😉


I really can’t tell you how important blogging is to me. I love everything about it. 

So when I started this blog in 2011 on tumblr, I was very nervous. 
I really wanted my blog to be authentic. An honest reflection of my thoughts, whether they were likable or not. I wanted to never hold back and show what Rheumatoid Arthritis really looks like. Not like the bogus commercials on TV. 
But opening myself up was nerve-wracking! Especially to criticism, knowing that the whole entire world was reading my innermost thoughts!

So, cautiously, I wrote my first post.
       And then I figured out I only had like 10 readers, so I decided to let it flow! Ha Ha! 

For me, blogging isn’t about the amount readers or followers I have. As much as I love my readers and truly cherish the connections I’ve made through blogging.
I mostly do it for ME!
I was recently engaged when I started this blog and all I wanted to share my journey.
The magnificent ups and the treacherous downs in life with RA.

And not just my physical journey, but my emotional journey.
I don’t hide behind the curtain and share the pretty side to RA.
I share the bad times too of when I’m angrydisappointed, or in pain

But my absolute favorite part is sharing my victories. 
The good times, when I feel great! When I’m traveling, or gardening
But most importantly, when I accepted having Rheumatoid Arthritis. 
The truth is I believe having a Chronic Illness like Arthritis 
doesn’t just affect our bodies, it affects our souls as well. 
And I’d like others like me to know that it does get better. 🙂


#RAgingFatigue

The people who know me best know that I’m like a raging bull. 
Once I make a decision about something, there’s no going back. 
—-This is what my mom says. Hi, mom! 
So, when my Rheumatoid Arthritis came back with a vengeance at age 17, you can only imagine how that stubborn personality translated into a quest for a normal life despite RA. 😉

But this time, it wasn’t the same RA as my childhood. It was worse. Much worse.
This “newer-stronger” RA wasn’t something I could mentally overpower or even something that was responding treatment
No matter how hard I pushed myself, no matter how hard I tried, I just could not keep up with my classmates. I was studying Architecture and it was just impossible to wrap my fiercly swollen fingers around a pencil, let alone draw a floor plan for 7 hours.

And that wasn’t all. 

I had fatigue. Besides the swelling that makes closing my fist impossible, and the stiffness that won’t allow me to sit for more than an hour, and the excruciating pain, I. WAS. EXHAUSTED. 
It’s like having the flu, but worse. I once explained it to someone like this:

“It feels like gravity changed overnight and I feel so heavy and weak I can’t get up.”

And you wanna know what the crazy part is? Even after 19 years of having RA and 7 years of my “RA vengeance” (the more severe version of my RA), I still feel it. 
I still feel the fatigue. I still struggle to get out of bed, to put on make-up, to go to school (different major ;), to travel, etc. I still struggle to do everything.

BUT my stubborn personality won’t let me give up, and I just take 1-3 shots of espresso to get me through the day, and rest up a ton the next day. 
Because that makes me happy. 

Please excuse my yawns. 😉

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